News, Recipes & Workouts — fear
Are You Sabotaging Your Weight Loss?
How many of you are where you want to be physically, financially or emotionally? You have more control over your situation than you think. If you don't wish to be stuck right where you are sitting at this very moment, then it's decision time.
Your future depends on this one thing—You making the decision to do something about it. It's that simple.
In my 25 years as a fitness and metabolic expert, I've seen thousands of people beg for transformation. They fail to start their radical transformation with a concrete plan or even worse; they choose a plan that caters to their issues or addictions. This lack of a real plan is why they stay stuck where they are and never see the changes of their dreams. If you're struggling with weight loss, health or financial issues, I urge you to surrender to a new way of thinking that will transform every aspect of your life.
Change begins with our thoughts. Our thoughts become our actions so if you're living fearfully, you're never going to get where you want to go. You must detox your thinking first. If you find that you're getting stuck on a particular road in your life, realize that your solution will come from deep within, where you hear God's voice. This stagnation may be what's keeping you engaged in self-sabotaging behaviors such as overeating, drinking, lack of sleep, excessive spending, or not working out.
Here are signs that show you are getting in your way and holding yourself back:
You Think You're Not Good Enough
Low self-esteem is one of the most common hurdles, and it kills dreams dead in its tracks.
I watch people struggle with believing they aren't good enough, which brings us to the core issue—Love or fear. If you haven't learned how to love yourself, you're operating in fear. And what do you do when you're afraid? You freeze and hide vs. starting that healthy eating or workout. Habits we've been talking about for years. Or, you fail to apply for that promotion you desperately want or give up on dating because you don't think you're pretty enough. Bottom line—Fear keeps you from trying your hardest or at times, stopped you from trying at all. I'm living proof that miracles exist. I didn't think I would lose the 40 pounds that were making me depressed and miserable, despite the fact that I had helped thousands of people lose weight and get in tip top shape. I thought good things only happened other people. I believed it would never happen to me. Talk about stinking thinking. The truth is, it's just an excuse that we think will allow us to save face if our miracle doesn't happen for us.
You're A Procrastinator
Procrastination is another form of self-sabotage that is very common among perfectionists.
Perfectionists think if they can't do it perfectly, why do it at all? The problem is, perfectionism leads to procrastination that paralyzes us. We get stuck in a place we hate, overthinking everything. Overthinkers are scared they will make a mistake so they come up with every reason they can't do something or why something might go wrong. They come up with plans to counter these issues and the next thing they know, they're allowing their thoughts to dictate why they shouldn't try. This is known as a “negative feedback loop” that kills dreams and swallows them whole.
The result of all of this stinking thinking is they end up overwhelmed and procrastinate some more. Focus on progress instead of perfection and realize that done is better than none and perfection doesn't exist.
You're Stuck in the Negative Feedback Loop (the Bermuda triangle of emotions)
The negative feedback loop is one of the biggest problems yet rarely do we hear it discussed.
The negative feedback loop is negative self-talk brought up from the past. It is self-defeating and causes you to get in your way. Unfortunately, this past self-talk becomes a negative self-fulfilling prophecy that keeps you stuck where you are. Especially true when it comes to working out. You may have said this to yourself before, ”I should have worked out harder” or “the person next to me looks better,” because you have so much more weight to lose. This stinking thinking and negative thoughts destroy dreams and goals on the spot, like a nuclear weapon.
At times, we will do amazing rings for our bodies; like spending a fortune on the latest trend, yet when it comes to our thoughts, we allow them to be toxic. Those toxic thoughts kill any positive behavior before it even has a chance. I always suggest that people not deny their real feelings, but rather learn how to fake it until you make it.
Watch your thoughts. They become your actions and actions dictate outcomes. Success doesn't happen by chance. Anything you do will always beat doing nothing.
You Set Goals that are Unrealistic or Too Easy
Believe it or not, it's possible to set your goals too high or too low.
I learned while working with the Martha Stewart's of the world that for many people if the bar isn't set high enough, they lose interest. People need to be stimulated a little to become engaged. Most times, I see the bar being set too low rather than setting unrealistic goals.
Most of us are smart enough not to start an exercise plan on a day where we have dental surgery, or a food plan when we're going to stay at a relative's house. Setting goals too high or too low is another way of sabotaging ourselves. Figure out what makes you tick and set your goals according to what's best for you. We're all different, and one big thing I can share with you from working with celebrities and CEOS is they like to be pushed. Most work better under pressure because it keeps them engaged and alert, meaning they're paying attention. Their goal is always in the front of them. Always keep your eye on the goal. When you lose sight of your goal, you'll fall.
This is an easy pattern to break. Write your goals out ten times every night on a sticky note and place them in the house, car, anywhere you will bump into it. Don't forget the refrigerator and your desk, reminding you why you don't want to eat that candy that's sitting there.
You Allow Excuses to Get in the Way
Another huge self-sabotaging behavior is making excuses, or worse, allowing them to get in the way of achieving your goals.
The truth is we aren't taking responsibility for our actions, which in turn, keeps us from being disappointed when we don't get our way or things don't happen fast enough. In a sense, we're saying, “Oh well, it's not my fault. I can't do it. It's impossible." Exercise is the place this shows up the most. We use the excuse we don't have the time or we are hurt, but the fact of the matter is if your knee hurts you can always do upper body or stretch. Successful people look at the word impossible and see; I'm possible.
You're Surrounded by Toxic, Negative-Thinking People
My father used to say, "show me your friends and I'll show you who you are."
We might not have a choice when it comes to family, but we do have a choice when it comes to choosing our friends. People are like elevators; they either lift you up or bring you down. When you surround yourself with people who don't add anything to your life or support your goals, it hurts you and drains your motivation.Many of us are afraid to be alone and rationalize why we need these people in our lives. It all comes back to one thing—Fear. We believe that the needs of others are more important than our needs. Evaluate how you feel after you spend time with certain people in your life. Your mood will tell you a lot about whether this person is good for you. If you feel drained or stressed rather than inspired and fulfilled or energized, it might be time to dial back on the relationship.
I live by the advice of Joyce Meyer, “If you can positively affect the people you're with you are meant to be around them. If they infect you, it may be time to stay away." This includes family. Sometimes they can be the worst when it comes to sidetracking you from your goals. Wait until you feel strong enough to do what you need to do for you. In healthy relationships, all support each other's goals vs. sabotaging them. If you have a friend that only likes to drink and eat out, hit pause and watch your life transform.
Wrong Thoughts and Faulty Thinking Affect our Behavior
Our thoughts have been programmed into us since birth. Sometimes they aren't the best way to think.
Our thoughts lead to our actions or inactions that keep us stuck right where we are. The sad part is, these thoughts can influence us for our lifetime. One simple negative weight comment heard long ago from a person of influence can alter the way you see yourself forever.
I was told as a young girl that I needed to be thin, and I believed that until I changed my thoughts by practicing positive thinking. It took me decades to unlearn this type of thinking. I still struggle to this day with poor body image because of these hurtful comments. It's just as easy to choose a positive thought as it is to choose negative one. Choose positivity and don't let anyone tell you who you are. You are God's child. Begin to see yourself the way He sees you. This new way of seeing myself has been a game-changer. His (God's) opinion is the only one I care about.
You're Trying to Fit in vs. Being Yourself
You would think peer pressure would stop after the teenage years, but it lasts throughout adulthood.
Peer pressure is a powerful thing. It's important to keep your eyes on yourself vs. comparing to someone else. Resist the pull to give in. Especially true when it comes to making healthy choices. Try this test—The next time you dine out with friends and everyone is ordering burgers, fries and drinks and complaining about being overweight and struggling with health issues, try something new and stick to your plan. Watch how quickly they switch their order or try to get you to go off your plan “just this one night” as if cheating was a bonding ritual.
It's difficult to be the person who orders salads, but even more difficult to get on the scale Monday morning and watch the pounds go up. Both scenarios are hard. Choose your hard. Keep in mind that it's not their business what you order or don't order, and your choices shouldn't affect your friends. Real friends encourage their friends to follow their heart and eat salads with you.
You Expect the Worst to Protect Yourself
Expecting the worst is another form of self-sabotage and self-preservation.
If you don't demand or expect more out of relationships then you aren't risking anything. You may be thinking you're protecting yourself but you may actually be scaring Mr. Right away, or chasing away the job you really want.
When it comes to reaching your fitness and weight loss goals it's just as bad. You think it will stop you from being let down, but what it does is prevent you from even making any effort at all. Not trying will certainly leave you being stuck. You may have built up a layer of protection to ensure that you will never be hurt or let down again, and no one can blame you. What you'll find is that most people won't fight their way through your protective layers, and it gets lonely after a while. You basically pull the pins out of the bombs so that they won't go off in your face. However, you might be stopping yourself from reaching your goals. Live by what Brene Brown says, "Show up and allow yourself to be vulnerable. It takes courage but you can do it."
You Stop When You Start to See Results
A lot of people I meet say. “ I lost xxxx” or "I used to….." To be honest, “I used to” is another one of my pet peeves. It doesn't matter what you used to do, it matters what you're still doing.
It's consistency and frequency that gets lasting results and if you're living the lifestyle you don't “go off” it because it's a holiday or you don't feel like doing it. Would you ever think of not brushing your teeth for a few days? That's the way we need to treat eating healthy and exercising in order for change to last. I've witnessed too many people that set goals and worked hard to reach them only to demand less of themselves. They get sloppy.
The truth is, diets and exercise plans don't stop working, we stop doing what it takes and demanding less and less from ourselves. Staying 100 percent committed is the secret sauce. It's critical that you continue to set goals in every area of your life and continue to strive to reach them.
From my 25 plus years as a weight loss, fitness expert, and success coach, I've seen that either you continue to keep growing or you die. The solution to all of these issues is skillpower, not willpower. Stay on task and don't ever allow your excuses to win you out. The one thing I love most about fitness and exercise is that you get out of it exactly what you put into it—Guaranteed. You will never be sorry you worked out or ate clean, but you'll always feel bad if you don’t. In my entire career I've never seen anyone say, “Wow I'm sorry I worked out and ate clean." Every second of every day there is someone who is sorry they didn’t.
Your new way of thinking is: Anything is possible and obstacles are nothing more than opportunities.